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A sermon preached by
Dr. Gregory D. Seckman
Text: 1 Samuel 18:1–5
John 15:13-14
“FRIENDSHIP”
A while back I looked
at an old High School yearbook. On the
outside and inside covers people inscribed their sentiments and best wishes
before we graduated and went out into the world.
One of these in
particular spoke in almost poetic terms about how we would be “friends
forever.” That’s what it said, “friends
forever.” And as I read this
optimistic refrain, it occurred to me that not only did we not remain “friends
forever,” but I now no longer remembered this person at all. The name signed at the bottom drew a complete
blank.
In our fast paced and
ever-changing world, where in the course of life people may hold 8 or 10 or a
dozen different jobs and live in as many locations, it is hard to hold on to
friendships which endure. And so we
settle for acquaintances with whom we play golf or bridge. And we may call them friends, for we do enjoy
their company. But, there is a
fundamental difference between those kinds of social relationships, and the
relationship we see described between David, “a man after God’s own heart,”
and Jonathan, “the son of David’s most feared enemy.”
There is a spiritual
dimension to their relationship which is rare and precious. This spiritual focus will be picked up by
Jesus a thousand years later when he speaks of the relationship between himself
and his disciples. This is a quality of
human relationships that we all covet and desire. Nobody can have too many friends; yet
everyone is fortunate to have at least one good friend. As we examine this most profound of friendships,
maybe we will find a way to deepen our own.
Let us pray:
Gracious Lord, we come
to You as a people grateful for Your many and rich blessings. Of those we enjoy, perhaps the most profound
acts of grace are those we receive through good friends. Their encouragement lifts us up when we are
down, and their loving criticism brings us back to earth when we think too
highly of ourselves. Shared memories
hold us close across the miles and anticipated reunions propel us forward.
We thank you, Lord, that
even You have called us friends; for above all else, we wish to be like
Abraham, a “friend of God.” Grant that
we might bring the same commitment to our friendships with others that You have
shown toward us. This we pray in the
name of Jesus, who above all was called a “friend of sinners.” Amen.
(Matthew 11:19)
David is now fresh from
the battlefield where he had gone up against a giant named Goliath. Where Goliath had been armed to the teeth,
David carried only a sling, five stones, and a prayer. And of those, it was the prayer that mattered
most. For the giant fell and David was
carried off that field by Hebrew soldiers who had, moments earlier, cowered in
fear. It was a tremendous victory. Now it was the time for accolades and
celebration.
And the people sang:
“Saul has slain his
thousands,
and David his tens of
thousands.”
1
Samuel 18:7
David was carried on
the shoulders of those singing soldiers and brought to Saul, the King, to hear
the words, “well done!” And maybe
receive a medal or a key to the city.
But, there were no words of congratulations and there was no medal
presented.
Sometimes Right is not
rewarded;
Sometimes Good is
cursed and not blessed;
Sometimes courage is
met with cowardice and the coward prevails.
So, on the day of
David’s greatest victory, a rivalry was born that would last for years, and
force David to live as a refugee on the run.
For, Saul the King was as happy as anyone that Goliath’s threat lay in a
blood-stained-heap in the valley of Socoh.
But he was angry and jealous and bitter to hear the accolades of the
people showered upon this adolescent who had done little more than get lucky
with sling and stone.
Saul saw David as a
potential rival: a rival for his people’s affection, a rival for political
power, and eventually, a rival even for the love of his own children. He let that hatred and jealousy consume him,
and eventually bring him down. His anger
flamed first with an attempt at manslaughter.
In the heat of passion, David’s soothing music stirred within Saul some
evil spirit and Saul threw a spear inches from David’s head (1 Samuel 18:11).
The heat of his jealousy soon cooled to cold-blooded and pre-meditated attempts
at murder. On six separate occasions, Saul
will seek David’s head. On six separate
occasions, David will barely escape with his life. More than once, David will owe his salvation
to Jonathan—Saul’s first born son, and David’s friend.
Their relationship
began the same day Saul’s enmity was born.
In the scripture’s succinct fashion, the writer reveals that on that day
of David’s victory, the “soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and
Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1). A lifelong friendship was formed.
I believe this
relationship was formed by the hand of God.
The reason I say this is because the Hebrew word kshara (which is
translated knit) is used in the passive form. It implies that David and Jonathan were
recipients of this special blessing. I
believe their friendship was an act of God’s grace. This was not something either one set out to
create. For this was a friendship which
should have never been. Both were
competing for the same job—to be the future king. On the surface, they had little in
common. Jonathan was a child of the
palace born into privilege and power; David was but a shepherd boy. Even so, a friendship was born that day and I
believe it was God who gave it birth—who acted as a mid-wife, if you will—to
the creation of this relationship. I
believe God did that because God understands how important that kind of
relationship is to you and me.
This friendship and, in
fact, all real friendships are special, because it is with those special people
that we feel most free to be who we really are.
In fact the word “friend springs from the same old English root as
does our word for ‘freedom’” (Christianity Today, March 8, 1993, pg. 17).
Good friends not only allow us to take off the masks, but they
encourage us to do so. They create a
space in which we feel free to reveal the doubts and disappointments, the fears
and the failures. They also allow us to
celebrate with laughter the foibles, follies, and feelings that come with those
embarrassing moments that only friends can share. A good friend will lift us up when we are
down, and, through criticism born of love, bring us back down to earth when we
think too highly of ourselves.
The reason this is
possible is because there is a sense of trust that, above all, this friend only
desires your greater good.
Bill Bennet said, “Friends
should be allies of our better natures” (Book of Virtues, pg. 269). Our friends want to bring out the best in us.
Siddharta Gautoma, whom the world knows as the
Buddha, once described a good friend in this way:
He guards you when you
are off your guard.
Buddha, Sigalovad Suttant, Dialogues of the Buddha, Oxford:
University Press, 1921, III, 177)
The Bible echoes this
refrain when it says:
Two are better than
one...if one falls down, his friend can help him up.
Ecclesiastes
4:9-10
Nowhere was the truth
of this statement better seen than in the life of the nineteenth century poet,
Samuel Coleridge. If you’re like me, you
remember him as the author of the poems everyone in high school had to read, “Rime
of the Ancient Mariner” and “Kubla Kahn.”
Coleridge gained fame
early. He was a distinguished scholar,
poet, and playwright. “But none of
these achievements satisfied the emptiness in his heart for friendship. By the age of twenty-four, he had turned to
drugs to deaden the resounding loneliness.” (Swindoll, Charles, Behold
Christ..The Lamb of God, pg. 9)
Eventually, he did form
a lasting friendship with another poet, William Wordsworth, and a physician,
James Gillman. During the last eighteen
years of his life, Coleridge rarely left the Gillman home. While much of Coleridge’s poetry focuses on
tragedy and the emptiness of life, one poem he wrote from the Gillman home, “Youth
and Age,” contained one elegant stanza:
Friendship is a
sheltering tree.
The branches that
shelter us are seen in the words of Jesus to his disciples the day he changed
their relationship. Up to this point
they followed a time-honored pattern of teacher and student. Jesus was the Rabbi, the teacher, explaining
to them the nature of God, revealing to them hidden truths, and instructing
them as to “how they should then live.”
And they, as dutiful students, took notes, and listened attentively, and
did their best to make their teacher proud.
But on this day Jesus
said,
Greater love has no one
than this, that a man should lay down his life for his friends. No longer do I call you servants, for the
servant does not know what his master is doing.
But I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father
I have made known to you. You did not
choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit. This I command you—to love one another.
John
15:13-17
The scripture records
no response from Peter and John and James that day, but I am sure it must have
been profound. For God had been seen as
distant, powerful, and holy. God was
separate. God may be feared, but never
considered a friend. Yet now, Jesus, as
close to God as any had ever known, offered his hand of friendship. And the freedom, which friendship implies,
follows. He promises to guard us when we
are off our guard, to be an ally of our better natures. The masks of ritual and routine, once thought
to be so necessary for approaching God, were taken off, and a fresh breeze of
God’s Spirit blew across their faces.
And what a difference that makes.
In a moment we will
sing a favorite Gospel hymn, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” There is a story behind that hymn I’d
like you to know. It was written by an
Irishman named Joseph Scriven. In the
year 1842, he graduated from the University of Dublin with his Bachelor of Arts
degree. He was twenty-three years old
and the world was his oyster. He was to
marry his high school sweetheart and begin a new job. Everything was as it should be. But, on the evening before their wedding day,
his bride-to-be tragically drowned in a boating accident.
In grief, he fled to
North America, settling on the shores of Lake Ontario. He made his living as a teacher and passed
his days as best he could. But grief is
a heavy burden and he was drowning in his own way in his own sorrow. Life had no taste nor flavor. Until one evening, thirteen years later, with
nowhere else to turn, he poured out his heart to God, begging for relief from
his burden.
And God answered his
prayer in the way only God’s Spirit can.
The burden was lifted from his heart, and his life re-born. That night he took pen to paper and wrote
these words:
What a friend we have
in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear;
What a privilege to
carry Everything to God in prayer.
O what peace we often
forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not
carry Everything to God in prayer.
Emurian,
Ernest, Living Stories of Famous Hymns, Baker. Pg 138
Good friends are easy
to take for granted, like our spouses and even like the Lord. We just count on each always being
there. But, every human relationship
needs nurturing; every friendship needs some time together; every spouse needs
to hear “I love you;” and, even God needs to hear us pray and say “I
love you.”
So, this afternoon you
may want to call or write or visit that “old friend.” This afternoon you may want to surprise your
spouse and just say “I love you.”
This afternoon you may want to “carry everything to God in prayer...What
a friend we have in Jesus.”
[Refer to hymn 403 in
The Presbyterian Hymnal.]
